~~~Hey You..Yes U!!~~~

HeY..ThaNx For ViSiTIng My BloG
It'S noThiNg acTuaLLy
I jUsT need to WriTe tO FeeL beTter
WheN loT haS GoIng On iN LifE, I neEd a Place whEre I can Rest and StaY GroundEd

LoVe Ya..
amalina

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Bala adalah untuk semua

ok. if korang ade visit fb aku, aku ade post 1 link pasal seorang lelaki yang mengaku gay.
which is dalam Malaysia benda tu adalah BIASA.
apa dah jadi ni..
aku risau plak tengok keadaan masyarakat sekarang
isu gay, pengkid, maknyah dah jadi BIASA.
betul ke ni negara ISLAM?
masalahnya kalau Allah turunkan bala..bukan hanya untuk mereka2 yang terlibat je.tapi SEMUA. diulangi SEMUA. kalau time tu baru nk menyesal..menangis..bertaubat..what's the point.
ni bukan isu BIASA.
ni isu BESAR.
rs sedih sngt tengok
rs cam..sgt helpless
kenapa teruk sgt sekarang ni..
kenapa menghalalkan apa yang haram
kenapa orang Malaysia boleh terima semua ni?
kenapa?
it's not about being prejudice
and alasan diorang jd mcam tu adalah 'naluri' kepada kaum sejenis dan 'tak dapat tipu diri sendiri'
ok, mungkin aku x menghadapi sexuality crisis seperti diorang
tapi aku percaya..setiap masalah mesti ada penyelesaian
lagi kan hati boleh berubah..naluri nafsu mesti boleh berubah
mesti boleh
asalkan jangan putus asa dan doa
Ya Allah
Bantulah hamba-hambaMu yang dalam kesesatan
janganlah timpakan bala kepada kami disebabkan sikap mereka yang melampau batas
astaghfirullahalzhim

SURAH 11 HUUD AYAT 82 :

Maka tatkala datang azab kami, kami jadikan negeri kaum Luth itu yang di atas ke bawah ( kami balikakan ), dan kami hujani mereka dengan batu dari tanah yang terbakar dengan bertubi-tubi,

SURAH 11 HUUD AYAT 83 :

Yang diberi tanda oleh Tuhanmu, dan siksaan itu tiadalah jauh dari orang-orang yang zalim.


New Commitment

Guess what?..aku da ber'commit' dengan another thing..
no no no..u think wrong..bukan dengan manusia..hehe

i'm a student now

yay (tepuk2)

haha

i'm quite happy n xcited at the same time dengan new phase yang aku bakal jengah 2011 nih.
and hopefully i won't get bored mcm aku undergrad dulula..

hehe..

i'm quite surprise with life actually and myself of course sebab sambung belajar bukan la choice yang aku rasa aku akan buat during undergrad ari2..

tapi tula..kita merancang Allah yang menentukan

orang selalu cakap 'sampai seru'

so i guess.. seru aku da sampai utk smbg blaja..

it happened early 2009 kot bile dpt twrn utk smbg master

that time cam da x berapa satisfied dengan kerja n rs nk buat smtg yg baru

i'm that kind of person..yg cepat bosan n xboleh buat bende yg sama ulang2

and dapat pula tawaran jd r.o..rs cam betul la jalan yang dipilih ni

bila semua dah terbentang ni..jangan ragu2 untuk buat keputusan

selalula terdetik memang Allah nk aku smbg belajar sebab since niat nk smbg aritu smpi sekarang semua yang aku rancang menjadi

i mean mcm dulu cam pk mcm mana nk cr duit byr yuran semua..now seems that semua tu dah terkawal..Alhamdulillah.sgt2 bersyukur sebab dah dipermudahkan

it's quite life learningla..

through out journey untuk mencari apa yang kita nk dalam hidup..Allah akan tunjukkan

Dia selalu ada..cuma kita yang x mencari

saat gelap je nampak Allah

saat selesa selalu abai

InsyaAllah..peluang ni..aku akan buat yg terbaik Ya Allah..

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

trait anak bongsu

wht u didn't know about anak bongsu :
(mostly based on myself la..hoho)

- tak suke kongsi barang
ok..mula2 masuk asrama dulu boleh dikatakan agak lokek la nk kongsi barang. mebi sebab kt rumah xperlu kongsi dgn sape2. tapi now alhamdulillah selepas beberapa siri duk asrama, kongsi2 barang da jadi bende biase. mungkin sbb duduk dengan orang kenela give and take kan.tp privacy tu dah jadi darah daging kot. hidup dengan logo mine2..yours2..haha..bukan kedekut. tp sbb xbiasa. dah biasa ok je. dah banyak berubah kot aku now.

- cepat marah
boleh dikatakan agk panas baran la. lagi2 kalau dalam famili tu ade yang tersalah cakap, kene bebel dngn mak, or even kene tegur sikit mulalah akan rasa panas je dalam hati.orang cakap 'senang sentap la'. mulela muka masam n mulut boleh simpul.

- kuat merajuk
ni dah better seiring dengan usia. kalau tak mesti masuk bilik and berkurung. xnk makan n keluar bilik. tapi nasib baik mama bukan jenis yg manjakan anak. x dilayan pon. that's why la da besar ni dah x reti nk merajuk. sbb xde sape nk layan =P

- ego
boleh dikatakan susah nk mengaku kesalahan sendiri la sebab dulu kalo gaduh dah biase menang. yelah..adik kan. mesti kakak2 yg kene mengalah. (mesti diorang sgt benci aku dulu..haha).

-degil
mmg sgt degil kot. seme bende kalo boleh nk ikut ckp aku. xsuke denga pendapat orang lain. xsuke ditegur. xsuke disuruh. xsuke orang bagi arahan bukan2. kind of rebel jugakla. hanya akan buat smtg dengan keinginan sendiri je.

-manja
nape manja last? haha..sebab sifat tu dah xde kot dalam diri aku skarang. kalau dulu memang ye. even kene tinggal kt rumah pengasuh pon nangis. x nampak mama kt skolah pon nangis (fyi, mama aku cikgu satu skolah ngan aku ). seme bende pon nk nangis. alhamdulillah. besar ni da x suke nangis.haha

hoho..x banyak pon..ingt kan banyak. mebi ade yg terlepas pandang or aku da berubah jd lebih baik kot. =P..mungkin ade yg same or mgkn lain anak bongsu lain perangainya. tp so far aku tgk n compare diri aku dengan makcik aku yg last n sepupu2 aku sama je perangainya. yg obvious adalah trait panas baran tu. hati2..jgn smpi salah cakap. haha..tp yg peliknya dengan famili je akan jd cam2. ngan kawan2 aku rs aku cool je..haha..ke x? xtaula. cume..if korang ade terase dengan aku..sori la ye..bukan salah aku..salah sbb aku anak bongsu (sounds like a very good excuse..haha)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Capek bercuti

Past few months boleh katekan sgt bz kot..
bukan bz kerja
tp bz bercuti

Bulan 10 : 22/10 - ke sabah
: 30/10 - ke KL for tunang huda n kahwin Kak Lia

Bulan 11 : 13/11 - balik cuti raya haji
: 19/10 - cuti- kat penang n kedah
: 25/11 - trip ke Medan

Bulan 12 : 4/12 - kawen Huda
: 17/12 - Balik kelate..mazni tunang
: 31/12 - Cuti ke desaru

almost every week start dr oct my schedule sgt la pack
sakit2 badan tak payah cakapla
mostly sbb travel dengan bas
paham2 la kan
lame2 duduk rs cam nk patah pinggang
adehla
neway
time mude2 ni la nk celebrate life
hopefully my life isn't going to waste as i get older

yok2..cuti sakannnn

Sunday, November 14, 2010

i cant help it

Yep..sy dah blk cuti ry haji since sabtu hari 2 eventhough suppose sy cuti rabu je
kenapa?
sbb tiket ada just 12nov which is jumaat malam
nak tanak tpaksela rembat jugak..
actually keje aku xsetel lg
n td PMC da kol2..tp aku x angkat
reason: because i'm so tired dealing with those people yg hnya tahu keje lepas tangan
stiap kali aku mintak maklumat ade je alasan yg berubah2
aku pon da naik pening..
so..aku malas nk angkat
whatever!
esok la deal ngan manusia2 yng nk bende setel tp semua malas nk take part tu..
now i'm not in the state untuk bercakap pasal keje

dealing dengan manusia for work matter adalah sangat tidak seronok n i am officially hate it..VERY MUCH

at some point

aku rs hidup aku bergerak dengan sangat lambat

masa memang sgt cepat

tp diri aku..self maturing adalah sangat lambat n i cant cope with time

i still love the littlest thing yg mebi stgh orang yg da mencapai umo aku xsuka which is staying up late watching movie series, reality shows n tengok katon

i love that kind of thing. it makes me happy

but..doing the thing that u love always come with a great price

it's time consuming

i have responsibilities now

as a student (soon) n as a worker

and i can't compromise

i always think that if i didnt do things that i love, i'm not living my life well

it seems to me..at this point that sacrificing the time for things that i love is not the best way.

if i ask people..they will say that '' just allocate the time wisely"

i already know the ans for my prob but it is hard to control myself

very hard

self rebel is not easy to handle

i always promise myself that i will get better 'tomorrow'

'tomorrow' always become the excuse

n as the time passed. 'tomorrow' seems endless

and i get upset with myself

believe or not

i'm setting a high bar for myself

and that's why i end up becoming rebellious...over myself

it's not too late to change i guess

but it's not easy to convince myself though

i must win over myself once again

so that i dont have to go through the pain that i'm experiencing now

i'm in pain..because i'm so upset with myself

it's the pain that not every people used to feel

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sungkyunkwan Scandal

I'm waiting for eng sub for ep 19 n 20..
hoho can't wait

actually i'm so addicted to this series..
mebi sebab aku mmg suka cite jenis women in disguise as men or vice versa..haha
the actress is so cute actually
memang menipula kan xnmpk mcm perempuan..
that's y dlm cte tu orang pgl die pretty-face boy scholar ^_^

kenapa saya suka cte neh :

1) Hero 1, Hero 2, Hero 3 adalah sgt kacak n unik perwatakan mereka..jom kenal

Lee Sun Joon (Hero 1) : Dengan kate kasarnya watak dia adalah nerd, stiff dan sgt skema..haha. Die ni macam penegak keadilan la..tp even watak die cam2, die ni ade aura yg bila tengok, kite akan rasa dia ni seksi. (blushing)..hahah..no wonder la dia leading man dlm cerita ni.

Moon Jae Shin (Hero 2) : what not to love? mysterious, cool, caring n sangat sweet. I'm melted! haha. dalam crita ni, dia adalah rebellious, x cakap banyak n fight for his right kind of person. Tak suka pergi kelas,x ske involve activity sekolah dan bercampur dengan orang. Tapi dia berubah jd caring lepas dia tahu yang Kim Yoon Hee adalah perempuan. Yang comelnya, bila dia di kalangan perempuan dia akan hiccup. so cute.

Gu Yoong Ha (Hero 3) : pernah tengok pirates of Caribbean tak? bila aku tengok watak die ni mesti aku teringat Capt Jack Sparrow ; playboy, cunning and brilliant (without his eyeliner n beaded hair..haha). Even cara jalan pon macam sama. If u miss Capt Jack Sparrow, then u should watch this guy act. ^_^

2) Heroin die cute tp x cengeng!
Kim Yoon Hee/Kim Yoon Syik : die ni disguise as lelaki utk masuk sekolah lelaki. Takde sapa findout kecuali sorang cikgu dia dgn Moon Jae Shin.. Since MJS tau die ppuan, bleh nampakla betapa caringnya lelaki ni towards KYH. Watak dia tegas n xdela nangis2 selalu cam heroin melayu. die menangis hanya bila perlu.haha.

3) Diorang seme sangat pandai berlakon even 1st time blakon. e.g Hero 1 adalah dari grup DBSK dari korea n 1st time blakon. Tapi boleh dipuji la sbb watak dia as sombody yg cold n upright to sgt menjadi. even tak pernah bukak baju or tunjuk six packs tp still nampak gagah.hoho..

4) Crita ni actually byk pasal falsafah Confucius. Tapi, yang peliknya cite dia x bosan langsung n apa yg cube diorang smpi kan mengenai falsafah tu boleh diterima la. Kalau la crita melayu boleh buat cerita mcm ni..

5) Cerita ni suppose menjadi cerita yg membosankn sebab latar blakang cte ni zaman Joseon iaitu zaman korea ada maharaja lg.Lagi satu sebab cerita berkisar dalam kawasan sekolah tu je. And baju-baju diorang pon x menarik. asyik pakai baju besar2. Tapi.. semua tu dicover oleh jalan cerita yang menarik n kita cam bleh forgetla about little2 stuff.

6) Diorang x mekap pon ok. no such bulu mata palsu, foundation, mascara seme tu. Heroin memang muke xmekap langsung. Damn i envy her skin!

haih..episod final adalah 20 so mmg xsbr sgt nk habiskan!!!


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Bila Rindu Menerjah

Tajuk taknak kalah kan..haha
btw, i'm in that situation skang ni
sangat sangat sangat rindu dia
dalam keadaan mcm ni..
i get cranky easily
semua x kenela senang cite
rasa nk marah orang pon ade
saya xtau la mcm mn if 1 day kalau die xde
saya rs saya x boleh hidup
setiap kali possibility fikir yang sy akan hilang dia..airmata bleh bergenang serta merta
saya x pernah cinta seseorang seperti saya cinta dia
dia..kekuatan saya
dia..seorang yang sangat kuat dan tabah yang saya pernah jumpa
selalu berdoa untuk saya
selalu mengatakan "everything is going to be alright"
Ya Allah
Panjangkan lah lagi waktu aku dengan dia..
Tak sanggup rasanya ingin memikirkan ketiadaan dia..

Dia..ibuku..
i miss u so much mama..so much :'(

Thursday, October 14, 2010

nobody said life is easy




Life?
how was it?

sometimes....
life is fun

sometimes....
life is tiring

sometimes...
life is suffocating

sometimes...
life is dull

everyday is not the same

even though we're doing the same thing
we are not living the same day

as time passed

we get older

i get older

everyday

i wake up with different feelings

today i'm so excited to face the day..but anyway..it doesnt turn out as i expected

tomorrow..perhaps i will wake up with a very bad feeling but..who knows..i will meet somebody who can cheer the day

isn't life exciting?

it doesn't always happen according to what we expect

we always hope for a happy life
an easy life

we are all coward

perhaps

i'm a coward

i don't like living in a hard way

i don't like taking responsibility

i don't like people counting on me

i hate it

but..

we didn't get to choose our life

it is what it is

The wise thing that i can do is

NOT TURNING MY BACK N PROUDLY FACE IT

just think that " will this thing matter in 10 years from now"

so far..for me

life is good

it has its ups n downs

but..

with my family around

with friends

with this kind of mind

and Allah, of course who always enable things for me,

NOTHING is actually IMPOSSIBLE

let just think

u still alive right? what's more important than that?
Just give it a thought

why bother sitting and weeping

u got whole life to celebrate

bunch of friends to count on

don't ever point your fist up to sky and mad at your Creator

be ashamed because

U'RE BORROWING THIS LIFE

He never said that this life is easy n for you to live your life so carelessly

if u cant face the life

it's not because of Him make it hard for you

it is you who cannot live it so thankfully

be ashamed

for you people who continuously live in anger and without hope


You have Allah..that's the greatest gift..think about it~
"When you drop a glass of plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound
When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or
When a picture falls off the wall it it makes a noise
BUT
as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent
You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world,
But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.."

if you could see me now
Cecelia ahern

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Petua hidup gembira?

Nak hidup hepi?
bagaimana?

nk hidup hepy x semestinya kene tunggu jadi kaya
or dicintai orang yg anda suka
or ape2 la
perkara2 tu just penyebab hidup adalah gembira
tetapi untuk memulakan hari sebagai satu hari yang bermakna,
it starts from within

petua hidup gembira by Siti Nur Amalina Kamaruddin

1-100) Doa Doa Doa. Nak gembira kenalah doa. Tak caya? cuba doa n bagi harapan penuh pada Allah supaya setiap hari hidup berjalan lancar, bahagia dan aman.

betul ni..it works everytime i seek Allah

Alhamdulillah

Kenapa hidup anda serabut? x hepi?

Sebab jauh dari Allah, hidup sebab manusia lain. Tak penah doa. Kenapa nk bergantung pada manusia, padahal ada Allah. Masalah mesti ada solution. mesti ada. tak akan ada jalan mati.

Cubalah start arini, berdoa. aku pon selalu doa supaya aku jadi orang yang lebih baik sbb aku suka main2..suka lambat2kan solat, kdg2 lupa pada Allah. dan saat aku lupa tulah ujian banyak sgt, semua x kene. hati rs x tenang. rs nk marah,nk nangis seme ada.

hidup jangan putus asa dari rahmat Allah


Sunday, October 3, 2010

Dua PuluH eMpaT taHun


alhamdulillah..dengan kasih Allah, dah menjejaki 24 tahun..
tahun depan belum tentu dpt sambut ke x
ajal maut kan di tangan tuhan
pada siapa yg wish..thanks a lot..thanks 4 d thought
what did i wish for my self?

My wishes in order to become a better me ^_^

1) Menjadi hamba Allah yang lebih baik

2) Dengar cakap mama n tolong mama sebanyaknya

3) Kerja dengan Ikhlas, Fokus n Tekun

4) Less judging n criticize others

5) Bertemu dengan lelaki halal

6) kuruskan badan

7) kurangkan bergosip

8) kurangkan mengeluh

9) jadi kawan yang amanah

10) x cepat melatah

11) x mengharap bende yang mustahil

12) Kurangkan aktiviti x berfaedah

13) banyakkan berfikir sebelum bertindak

14) Berjimat!!!

15) Ignore nafsu!

InsyaAllah..

Thursday, September 16, 2010

CINTA


cinta..satu perkataan yang disertai satu helaan nafas..
cinta
cinta
cinta

agak muak dengan perkataan itu

dan muak juga dengan kata-kata "satu hari nanti jumpala tu"

i don't need that comfort

sebab aku pun tahu..suatu hari nanti..dengan izinNya..Pasti bertemu

cinta adalah satu pilihan

dan aku pilih untuk tidak bercinta

kenapa?

.............................

atas sebab-sebab yang aku sendiri pun tidak pasti

tapi

yang pasti..

bercinta, dicintai, mencintai

adalah fitrah

dalam hari-hari yang ditempuh..pasti ada suatu hari yang dirasai sangat kosong..sangat sunyi

who am i kidding

tapi

bercinta just to kill time tidak memerlukan pemikiran

tapi bercinta untuk sehidup semati

perlukan pemikiran dan keputusan

aku hanya menunggu sign dari hati

sekarang hati masih kata belum

aku tidak akan bercinta sebab semua orang bercinta...

sebab semua orang sudah mahu kahwin

cinta x perlu terburu buru

cinta perlu dirasai dengan perlahan

begitulah aku ingin menikmati cinta

seperti menikmati donut dengan filling yang enak

perlu dinikmati dengan perlahan

dan merasainya dengan perasaan yang gembira

bagi aku

bercinta adalah satu celebration dari dua hati

sehingga aku bertemu dengan satu lagi jiwa yang dapat meraikannya,
aku decide untuk stay single

kehidupan bersendiri lebih menyenangkan

sekarang

rasa sangat ringan

jalan rasa pantas

fikiran lebih matang

tapi..tak pernah terlintas untuk selama-lamanya sendiri

aku berharap juga bertemu dengan dia

InsyaAllah



Absence makes the heart grow fonder - william shakespeare

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you I had no control over.

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same

It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands.



Let's have a cup of love.... shall we?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Men are hilarious

What a joke
only that i can say to certain men
i can see them a bit clearer now
they like to hook up a lot
having scandal here and there
they make me feel nauseous..seriously!
oh God

it's quite funny though
Claiming that they miss u..but in fact..they already in a relationship

Oh come on..

i hope that they won't think women as an easy target

men, listen..
Don't lie
Be sincere
Be loyal

CHOOSE only 1 and be true to her

coz..you know, women's heart, no matter how hard they appear on the outside,
they are all fragile in the inside
they are all forgiving,
and you are all VERY good with words
don't take this as an advantage to win the heart over and over
coz heart will finally grew tired and broke

i'm writing this on behalf of my fellow 'girlfriends'
and myself
coz it happened to me once..
(i called it as a 'project' because it's some sort of doing research about relationship =P)
but, instead of feeling disappointed, i found this thing kind of hilarious
in fact very very funny
you thought i will fall for u?
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!
(it's written on ur forehead "i have a gf"...LOL what a joke)

so..Please..Please..and Please
value the relationship that u've already commit to
it doesn't matter if u're men or women,
be honest
if your heart is not for her anymore, just say it, ends it
that's better than knowing the truth u're having an affair
much much better..







if you're viewing this page,
i want to apologize, ( i'm not that sorry though)
i just play along because i want to see how far this game could actually be
and how far u will try
finally
when you say 'i miss u'
i think that's it..i've reached my boiling point and i disregard this kind of relationship that u'd offered
so...GAME OVER!! HAhaHa~

Monday, August 30, 2010

Merdeka?

Alhamdulillah..da 53 tahun Malaysia merdeka
perasaan..bersyukur sebab kehidupan di sini tidak dikongkong seperti di Palestin, menjadi pelarian di negara sendiri
negara ini bebas
pemikiran
cara hidup
mungkin berbatas
tapi berbatas dengan a very fine line
bangga menjadi rakyat malaysia?
entahlah
tapi aku bangga menjadi rakyat kelantan
semangat kenegerian lebih hebat dari semangat kenegaraan
tapi..kelantan is a part of Malaysia
so..i guess, i'm proud to be Malaysian..secara logiknya begitula kan?

well
mari bercakap mengenai aku dan malaysia
gembira berada di sini
sebab tanah tumpah airku
keluarga
teman
semuanya ada di sini
makanan yang subhanallah banyaknya
macam-macam jenis
dari macam2 bangsa
alhamdulillah dapat rasa semua nya

tapi
aku ada satu rungutan
mungkin ini hanya getus dari rentetan peristiwa yang berlanjutan
tidak bermaksud mahu menjadi racist
jauh sekali
kerana aku sayang kawan2 india dan cina ku
they teach me different culture and living too
which is interesting
cuma
cuma
kadang-kadang berada di kalangan mereka
terasa seperti aku adalah pihak minoriti
aku tidak faham kantonis, hokkien, tamil
sungguh aku tidak paham sepatah haram pun
bila aku seorang melayu di situ,
susah kah bagi mereka untuk menghormati aku
at least, use english
aku adalah bumiputera
yet
terasa asing di dalam negara sendiri
sekali dua, mungkin tidak ambil pusing
tapi kalau terus menerus
terasa agak terpinggir
bergelak ketawa dalam bahasa mereka sendiri
sedang aku..
terasa agak bodoh
people should respect others
and be a bit sensitive
aren't we suppose speak the same language?
so much for the 1 Malaysia

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Hati Mampan

membuat keputusan
sukar
tapi..
kene buat juga

kenapa hesitate?
sbb..
takut menyesal

susahlah

hati..patutnya kena bulat

fikiran..jangan pandang belakang

make a decision and live with it!

senang kan kalau diungkap jadi ayat

tp..
yang hidupnya
yang merasanya
adalah hati..akal
diri sendiri

aku cuba
untuk resolute
untuk rigid
untuk mampan

tapi..

banyak tapi kan

hasil dr hati yang kelam kabut
hati yang tamak

yang selalu mahu lebih
yang selalu ingin kan terbaik

tetapi

tak salah kan?

Monday, August 9, 2010

Ramadhan ke 24

Marhaban Ya Ramadhan
aku harap untuk jumpa sesuatu di ramadhan ini
aku ingin merasa nikmatnya puasa itu
nikmatnya menahan lapar, dahaga dan hawa nafsu itu
dan semoga apabila ramadhan berakhir, akan membawa diri aku yang lama dan kekal lah diri aku yang baru
insyaAllah
23 tahun yang sudah
banyak yang aku terlepas
mungkin aku menang dalam menahan lapar dan dahaga
tapi hawa nafsu, aku msih sangat tewas
sangat tewas
hasilnya adalah siti nur amalina yang biasa
yang dalam hatinya masih sama
mungkin Allah sangat sayangkan aku
kerana, banyaknya khilaf yang aku lakukan
masih menggunung juga pertolongan dariNya
Kasih sayangNya, subhanallah, kerdil aku untuk memperkatakan tentangnya
Alhamdulillah
kerana aku rasa sangat gembira untuk sambut ramadhan kali ini
aku ingin berubah
iman ku, ingin aku perbaiki
aku ingin rasa nikmatnya cinta Allah itu
nikmatnya pengaduan kepadaNya
aku hanya ingin menangis di ribaNYa

Ya Allah, di ramadhan ini, peluklah aku, ragutlah dosa-dosaku, hadirkanlah pemikiran yang berbeza, hati yang lebih insaf, peribadi yang lebih ulung, aku ingin merasai nikmatnya sentuhanMu. Jangan tinggal kan aku sekelip mata jua. Itulah pintaku. Penuhi aku ya Allah..dengan cintaMu. Amin

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

money matters

duit..duit..duit..
antara bende yg bleh wat aku upset serta merta bila ingt pasal duit
sbb rs mcm byk plak hutang piutang yang menjengah
x masuk lagi bab si merah kesayangan
belanja minyak, servis, ni tayar plak wat hal..kene tukar lagi, timing belt lagi
boleh x nk idup xnk pk pasal duit..
bleh je kalo aku xnk pk actually..just spend tp xde savingla..tapi camane nk kawen?urghh..
aku bukan anak dato' or tan sri yng bleh mintak parent sponsor riban2 kan
kene usaha sendiri..kumpul duit sendri..tp manala tahu bila cukup kan
umo 30 mebi? >_<
tapi takpe..
seme perkara mesti ada jalan keluar
aku percaya pada rezeki Allah
alhamdulillah, smpi skarang still ada jalan keluar
perlu banyak berdoa n beringat
insyaAllah, aku akan cube track duit dengan bijak..huhu

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

saya sudah pulang!!

huu..finally aku dah pulang!
ape perasaan : mixed feeling la
actly that program sgtla menguji aku mentally n physically
2 hr stay kt Lembah Nur Pangsun n the rest stay kt Maktab Penjara Malaysia
i am very exhausted throughout the prog..aigooo~
smpi skrg pon badan sgt skt sbb smlm br blk dr kl..amik tiket kul 11..smpi kul 4..(padan muke ko am!)
wht did i learn? many la..n the most important thing is : to have purpose in life..
i've been living a very careless life. byk bende yg aku x amik pot, or amik tahu. so i guess, aku da xbleh hidup mcm 2. kene play a role in life. xbleh just jd smbody n ignore other things.
so..misi aku sterusnya adalah untuk RE-think about tujuan hidup aku..
sementara ade masa ni, ape yg aku actually nak
nk jd somebody or anybody? i have to decide wisely n thoughtfully..

Monday, July 12, 2010

Notebook

sy ada satu notebook
which i carry kemana2
and dlm notebook 2 ade macam2..
actually it's like reminder la
sbb sy mudah lupe tujuan hidup sy..haha
i mean..bila i tend to get jealous of other people
or bila rs sedeyh x tentu hala
i rujuk this notebook nih la
so that, kaki tu stil boleh berdiri tegak..
mulut stil boleh senyum
hidup kalo x tengok orang x sah
tapi kalau da tengok kdg2 ad rs hiba jgk
kenapa perlu kesal pd bende yang kita tak ada
money for eg
tgk orang lain beli itu ini
semua tu nafsu kan
hayoo..susah bernafsu besar ni


*grateful*
satu perkataan yang plg susah utk carry the meaning


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Grown Up

I am the grown up
Should act like one
Should think like one

No pressure though

The need is no longer crucial
The temptation should be ignored

I am the grown up
I am the wiser one

Enabling their thinking
But still not following

Coz i'm rooted
To one thing called FAITH

Friday, June 25, 2010

Bila..

bila tak ada... tak apa

bila lihat...terasa

bila tunggu...lama

bila cuba...hampa

bila nangis...lega

bila senyum...raga

bila ingin...tiada

bila hati...jera


Saturday, June 19, 2010

single is simple

umo 24thn n still single
nothing bad about it
well..
i love living like this for now..
i'm not sure when i will take love as a serious matter to me
at this moment
i really love the air that surrounds me now
it feels good
it feels...easy
for once, i finally realize that, i am content with just myself. =)

Monday, June 7, 2010

valuable lesson

the most valuable lesson i've ever learned throughout my working experience is
'Just go with ur guTs'
seriously..
just follow what u believe
what u think is right
if not, u're end up being at fault for somebody else's wrongdoing
i get it so many times..yet i still thought they are right and i am wrong
in fact..i am right..
just be a little bit confident will u?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Kita tahu, kita paham, kita aware, tapi kita tak buat

Manusia sebenarnya amat bebas
punya fikiran sendiri
punya keinginan sendiri
punya pandangan sendiri
semua proses yang berlaku di dalam otak dan hati
borderless
sebab itu pemikiran pon bebas
tidak tertakluk kepada satu decision
roaming endlessly like misguided ghost
yang memegang hati dan pemikiran adalah agama
yang menyebabkan seseorang itu patuh dan rasa diri mereka berada dalam satu linkungan yang apabila dilangkah akan menyebabkan kebinasaan
kita (orang islam) , sedar yang in the end, ada hari kiamat
kita aware adanya syurga dan neraka
kita yakin bahawa siksaan Allah itu pedih
tetapi kenapa kita (mungkin hanya bg orang yang lemah agama mcm aku) dapat menyebut hari kiamat tanpa rasa berdebar, tanpa rasa seram sejuk, kecut perut sedang kan masa nk buat presentation punyalah cuak, rs nk muntah seme, n kalau nk mngadap bos tu punyalah takut
astagfirullah..lemah nya agama yang aku pegang, yang aku sebut, yang aku mengaku
aku akui, aku banyak dosa
tapi aku masih lagi careless dalam solat, lambat2kan..namun alhamdulillah, da ada rasa tidak tenang takut terlepas solat..takut x dapat sempurnakan 5 waktu.alhamdulillah dan aku harap perasaan tu aku tak akan hilang
jadi, aku serulah kat sini supaya, marilah kita sama-sama jaga solat, cukupkan lima waktu
sebab ramai kawan-kawan aku jugak yang suka langgar je bab time2 solat ni
tengok wayang pukul 6, keluar pukul 8..maghrib macam mana?
Tak malu ke ngan Allah yang bagi kita macam2, but yet, kita x pernah pun sahut panggilan Dia.
Padahal kalau dengan manusia, kalau diberi hadiah o seprais, kalo boleh kita nk balas balik dngn smtg yg lg setimpal, or better dr apa yg dpt. Xliat plak kan?
Harap2, Allah bukakan hati aku dan mereka utk tetap dalam agama dan kekal di dalamnya. Aminn

and then, ada satu pakcik yg aku knal ni, bab2 agama ok..
tp aku kurang senang dngn pendapat dia yang kadang2 bias kepada 1 parti politik ni dan mengutuk pemimpin the other parti politik, bagi aku, kalau bende tak konfem, x elok di perbesarkan, nnt menimbulkan fitnah. apa yang dibaca kadang-kadang belum pasti betul atau tak. jadi, kurangkan bercakap pada hal-hal yang bukan ilmu atau fakta yg mmg tak pasti sahih.

aku da lama xtengok tv actly. tp aku still perasan yang kt TV3 ada 3 rancangan just utk gosip artis : fuh!, terjah dan melodi
artis tu siapa untuk diambil tahu sebegitu rupa kehidupan mereka? apa manfaat diorang untuk hidup kita, untuk agama kita? betapa dangkalnya manusia sekarang. lemas betul dengan rancangan macam tu. nak kapel dgn sapa ke, kawin sepuluh ke..ad aku kisah? hal umat2 islam yang tertindas tu x plak ambil peduli. Kenapa TAK ADA seorang pun artis kat malaysia ni pergi jd volunteer or activist so that nmpkla yg diorang actually ada fungsi to this community. what a waste. sebab tula aku mmg ban cerita malaysia/filem sbb buat apa nk sokong industri malaysia? apa yang diorang bg pada aku. atlis, if aku tgk crita lua, morality tu ada and kadang2 skrip diorang tu menyedarkan. even crite cartoon pon. ni tengok crita mlayu semua psl rempit, cinta bersegi, tak menarik langsung. Tolongla buat cerita yang bagi keinsafan sikit. or cerita yang ADA OTAK.

fuh.penat membebel. actually geram dgn diri sendiri yang seronok sgt dgn dunia ni. Kalau esok kiamat, akulah orang yang paling terkedu dan mmg aku mmg patut dapat ayat "in ur face!". Wpun umat islam dijanjikan syurga..namun, belum pasti selepas berapa ratus or ribu tahun aku disiksa baru dapat msk syurga. Time tu, aku hanya mmpu menyesal sbb x berusaha kt dunia (see? aku sedar bende ni, tp kenapa liat sgt nk kusyuk?). Cuba compare iman kita skarang dgn orang2 dulu (zaman nabi Muhammad S.A.W). apa alasan kita x dapat tunaikan yang wajib? apa yang berbeza?hanya tahun je. ajaran, tuntutan, kewajipan semua masih sama. tp, kenapa sukar sgt? Ya Allah, selamatkan aku, dan kurniakanlah seseorang dari hambaMu yang soleh untuk membimbing aku..dunia akhiratMu

Friday, May 21, 2010

lose my charm

cam geli je kan bace title post tu..haha..mcmla charming sgt..ceh..
anyway..
i did lose the charm
charm for me is the attitude that people know or notice about u right on
i used to be this 'bright' 'cheerful' 'happy' person..
sekarang..
kurang la kot
mebi ad jgk orang x perasan perubahan aku
tp aku rs aku agak berubah la
from talkative, i've become a better listener now
instead of doing the talk, i prefer to listen
i've become a very boring person..damn!
nk jd mcm dulu
nk jd orang yg happy
orang yg 'who-cares' kind of attitude
aku rindu pd aku yg dulu
sbb aku yg sekarang adalah sangat "gelap"
yg terlalu banyak monolog dalaman
yg sangat "complex"
maybe ni transition process kot
terlalu banyak berfikir
dan pesalahnya adalah perjalanan pegi dan balik kerja a.k.a too much time alone in the car.
menyebabkan aku habiskan masa berfikir..hurm..
perlu cari that 'spark' again
i dont wat to lose it
i need it
where is it?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Orang lain..bukan saya

sy bosan sbnrnya tgk orang yg get cranky easily n menyalahkan hidup kalau ap2 yg berlaku xsperti dia rancang.
x suka tengok orang yang suka beritahu satu dunia betapa miserable nya dia, betapa lonely nya dia. such attention seeker.
i might doing the same jugak..unconsciously, tp jika sedar, sy cuba utk tidak share what lies beneath my heart.
maybe diorang ikhlas berkongsi masalah
tapi, as the issues are getting nowhere, rs cam bosan pulak.
ni sy refer kt status2 orang kt FB la.
kebahagian, cara hidup yang betul, kegembiraan semuanya inisiatif diri sendiri.
misalnya kita sekarang berada di satu sudut gelap,
yang dapat keluarkan kita dr tempat tu just diri kita shj.
yg sepatutnya berusaha untuk melangkah keluar
yg iniate that 1st step hanyalah diri kita
sebab kadang-kadang susah nk harapkan orang lain yang betul2 ikhlas boleh tolong kita
so better rely pada diri sendiri
sbb..depend pada orang lain will only let u down.
expectation will get higher n when that person x bg ap yg kite expect..we will eventually become frustrated.

Friday, May 14, 2010

MELLY GOESLOW -BIMBANG LIRIK

BIMBANG

Pertama kali aku tergugat
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih

Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
namun ada yang hilang separuh
diriku

Monday, May 10, 2010

word of wisdom 1

" LIFE IS ALWAYS TESTING ONE'S STRENGTH & WEAKNESS THRESHOLD. THAT'S HOW WE LEARN HOW STRONG WE REALLY ARE "

Saturday, May 8, 2010

HER

slamat hari ibu, Puan Rahmah Mohamed

every time i'm home, we must have this little daughter n mom's talk
i do the listening n u do all talking
and at that moment, i realize that, what if u're gone?
who is going to talk to me about all those stuff?
who is going to remind me to do this and that?
who is going to determine whether i am right or wrong?
with that thought, i will listen very well in everything that u say
coz i'm so afraid that it might be ur last words

and when i'm far from u,
at night, i'm so afraid if i got a sudden call from anyone at home
i'm so afraid if they will tell me that u're now in peace
with that thought, i cant sleep well at night

i dont want to be far from u
i dont know what i'm doing here
it's like i'm not doing u justice
i'm suppose to be at ur side right?
cooking, cleaning n do all the chores in order to repay the good old days
but no matter how much i do it..it will never be enough

i'm thankful and totally grateful to be ur daughter
ur words are all soothing and never judging
i dont know how to put this but u are my root
keeping me grounded
u are the foundation of my life structure
inspired me throughout the life
i never found somebody as cool n calm like u
very supportive
and indeed my forever cheerleader


but..
but..
i have to let u go someday as been decided
u're not mine..no matter how much i want to keep u
u're His
and u'll be with Him
until that time,
i hope i will give u comfort, pleasure, happiness and everything
and i hope that i'l be strong at that time
i'm strong..i know i can face it..but
i'm sure..life wouldnt be the same again
sky will be forever grey
and i'll be forever hollow
coz..... i've lost 1 part of soul


.............................................................................................................................................

Friday, May 7, 2010

Priority

now almost 24
priority da berubah
tibe2 cam terfikir
' i want to mark my existence'
if not..rasa cam sia2 je
aku nk do somthingla..
if dpt achieve smtg n inspire people..tu even better
insyaAllah~

ni pilihan hidup masing2 la kan
setengah orang, apa2 pon ok
setengah orang, nak lebih dr yang mampu
i just want to live the best life
the best life bg aku ialah when aku rasa puas
tak kiralah dr segi apa pon
i'll never be content
sifat buruk manusia ni kan tamak
so aku pon xterlepas
tp aku rs kalo kaya2 sgt pn buat ap
asal cukup makan pakai, bahagia, okay la tu

aku tgk jgk kehidupan sesetengan perempuan yg aku knal
keinginan diorang da terbatas lepas kahwin
even ad diploma, tp kerja bukan dengan kelayakan diorang n dpt gaji pn xsetimpal
ad jgk yg suami tak bagi kerja sesuai dgn klayakan
xpasti la apa alasan
aku tak berhak untuk mengomen hal ni
tp kadang2 rs geram jgk sbb seolah2 selepas kawin, isteri dah xboleh bersuara
sepatutnya suami lebih tolak ansur dan tak terus buat keputusan
even isteri adalah hak suami, perlu diingati juga yg isteri itu asalnya seorang individu
yg ada impian
ada harapan
dr kecil
nak jd ap
nk hidup macam mana
da tak nampak kegembiraan di muka diorang
susah jd seorang isteri
perlu gembirakan suami
puaskan hati mertua
didik anak
tapi hati sendiri terabai
even diorang x cakap
tp..aku dpt selami jgkla hati diorang yg dah x harapkan apa2 untuk diri sendiri
just harap suami dan anak2 hepy
mungkin itu jugaklah kebahagiaan diorang
sebab hanya itu hidup diorang..kesian..
diharapkan suami perlu hormati isteri sebagai individu..bukannya sbg hak diri sendiri
aku takut juga kalau jumpa suami macam tu
yang terus meletakkan keputusan tanpa tolak ansur
bagi aku yg otak sangat independent ni..susah sikitla nk tolerate dgn orang mcm ni.
aku xnk jd derhaka..T_T

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

throwing tantrums

as i grew older..the more grumpy i've become..(sounds like a very old man's version)
i'm such a bad tempered person
but it doesn't last long
it just, when it happen,
I tend to hurt other people
with words
or action
i'm a Bi**H when i'm mad
tat's why when i'm in that mood..
i like to be left alone until i'm better

i dont like being in that situation
i dont like throwing tantrum to other people and get cranky easily
but i'm not a saint either
i have a feeling
i have the sense of being mad, happy, and all that
so..i think it's ok to be mad once in a while
just control it and keep it to ur self
so..when u see me in sudden silent, maybe in that moment i tried my best to hide the anger

i am so geram right now
so i'm staying in this silent mode
i dont care about what other people r talking right now
dont ask anything for now coz i don care
dont hope for a smile coz my heart is grey
just let me be
let me heal
let me deal

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

not knowing my heart

heart..for crying out loud..nobody is there to listen
even though there is people listen
they will never understand

everybody is gone
leaving me quietly
without a footstep
it is cold
outside is cold
my heart is cold

dont ask me
dont ever ask me
as i don know my heart
i have no answer
i seek for answer
i wait for answer

again
life feels cold
so cold
i felt numb
world,
please
i just want to stay here quietly
talk to only myself
as the other people voices are the last thing i want to hear

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

HaPpY

Mud arini sangat3 HEPI
and rasa sangat3 RINGAN
mebi dah decide ap yang sepatutnya
dan tinggalkan yang sepatutnya
ok
saya dah tinggalkan semua beban2 fikiran
mungkin esok stil rasa sober
tapi
takpelah
saya dah biasa
sedih..kecewa tu..part of the game kot
hepy dan bahagia juga
so cuba jela hidup dengan kegembiraan
wpun hny perlukan diri sendri untuk initiate dat happiness
tp
dengan dr sendiri pon bleh cr kebahagiaan
sebab aku ada DIA

i Love u ALLAH!!! :))))

Monday, April 19, 2010

i'm gemok..so what?

Sometimes, when u're feeling ok with urself, there always other people who keeps saying that u shud change or become like this and that
i'm not good at taking criticism
in fact i hate criticism
i'm facing the weight issues now
most everybody around me talks to me about it like it such a big issue
i dont know whether they care too much or they just like saying those things
i think i'm a little bit chubs. it just that.
it's not like i'm obese or near to that
i know my body..
i know that i shud control my eating
exercise more
i know it all
fyi, i'm not eating that much
it just happen that i have a low metabolism
and i hate exercise
but i will not deteriorate my body and turn it into giant fats which can talk and walk
i still love myself
i know what i shud do
don remind about that over and over
my sisters, and mother, they see the real person of me.
and they love me the way i am
and my besfrens n good frens,
never occured to them to talk about my weight nonchalantly.
i appreciate those people
maybe they arent that honest to me about that, but at least with them i become myself.
but actually, even they said that i'm gemok or wat,
i will just take it very thankfully
coz it comes from the person that i love and appreciate
however, when it comes from the person that i barely know, and not a fan of mine, i feel that i've been bullied and now i know how it feels when people think lowly about u
just butt off
i had enough things in my head already just to think about what u have said
u arent that perfect either
u may be thin but u aint nothing like me
u don know me
and for that
now i'm looking lowly at u

dont talk about other's physical like u've known them forever.respect others. they may be too thin, overweight, full with acnes, short, or maybe handicapped. but they are truly human n there's a heart in everyone of them. Know ur place. if u're closed enough then it's not too difficult for them to accept it. if not, just butt off and get a life.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Tik Tok

I heart YooN eUn hYe..sOo VerY muCh!!





NI LAGU SEBENAR WITHOUT DRAMA..ENJOY!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Yes.I'm selfish

terlalu banyak keinginan yang melibatkan diri sendiri shj
jarang aku masukkan my parent in my future planning
sedangkan sejak aku lahir, aku la future planning diorang
nk didik aku mcm mana, nk sara aku mcm mana
tp bila aku da besar, da bjaya, aku lagi banyak pk psl diri sendiri
apa yang aku nak, aku nk kawin ngan sapa, nk buat apa 5 tahun lagi
pemikiran2 yang mementingkan diri macam 2
mmg seme tu aku kne pk jgk kan..
tp..
sekarang rs bersalah
ibu dan ayah
selalu pk what's the best for their kid
tapi aku tak pk pon what's the best for my parent
if bukan aku, anak dia, yang bahagiakan diorang time tua ni, sapa lagi nk buat kan
aku salu sebok nk rancang percutian ngn membe2, kua makan tempat bes2,
tapi..
kenapa aku xterfikir pulak untuk bwk diorang travel 1 day with duit hasil aku sendiri
bawak pegi makan tempat sedap2
ibu dan ayah
insan yang paling baik, paling penyayang yang setiap anak pernah miliki
even ur bf/gf is soo caring or thoughtful, aku tak rasa akan sama dengan apa yang parent pernah buat
alas, gf/bf takkan sggp bertarung nyawa demi kita..percayalah
ibu dan ayah..
takkan pernah mengharapkan apa2 dr aku
just nk tengok aku happy n continue living dengan baiknya
ibu aku salu pesan, cr suami jgn lambat2 sgt
sedangkan if aku kawin cepat2, dia da tak miliki aku lagi
aku da jadi hak suami aku, mungkin jarang balik jenguk dia dan mungkin akan jauh dr dia
ibu tidak tamak
tidak pernah merasakan aku hak dia
merasakan kebahagiaan aku lebih penting
aku gembira
dia derita
tak mengapa

i'm so sorry
i'll try to be a good daughter
aku tak rasa hayat mereka lama lagi
i will try my best
i will try not to be selfish


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

1 sided love

Kenapa kesedihan yang aku lihat skarang kebanyakan adalah dr opposite sex
mungkin juga bukan dr mereka
tp dr emosi yang hadir dari perasaan kepada mereka
it is love isn't it?
bukanlah sesuatu yang dapat dipaksa atau dicipta
tapi mungkin dapat dipupuk..mungkin
bagaimana kalau perasaan tu hadir dr sebelah pihak sahaja?
rs excited even just dapat tengok kelibat dia
rs nk tau ap die buat
and get jealous if dia borak2 dgn kaum sejenis kita
it's cute to be in love
tapi lama-lama..kalau terlalu lama memendam perasaan untuk seseorang, mungkin satu persoalan akan timbul..sampai bila?
so tercetuslah idea untuk confess atau tak?
tapi ade satu halangan iaitu : pride
what if dia rijek..what if itu..what if ini..
too many questions isnt it?
so, i guess la..
u can see if sombody interested in u by their expression, gesture and tone of their voices

and for the guy, please la..if interested, just bagi tau right away..don let the girl wonder,
don waste time. If u get rejected pon, it's not the end of the world rite. at least it'll save your time jgk for not holding to that girl anymore. kan?

and for the girls, i think, if u're interested with sombdy, tgk cr dia layan dulu. If that guy is interested, he'll let u know. if not, he doesnt worth ur time. seriously.
Just confess bila rasa that thing is the most wise and appropriate thing to do.

i have a feeling to someone right now..and he is 1 of my friend. who is he? haha..nobody knows.
but i dont think that he's into me..so..i'll let him go 1 day..for now, i'll just treasure the feeling coz i still can bear for it. =)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Start Over

when u're having a bad day or not living ur life at ur greatest, u can always rely on tomorrow to start over and become better. the same thing goes for me. i always rely on tomorrow in order to see the better me and when 'tomorrow ' is finally arrived, once again i'm hoping the next day will turn out better for me. It's endless.

but, there is no tomorrow for the hereafter. There's no hope for a better day anymore. it's also endless. there's no time to be better because all the time is up and u're left alone to face everything.
it gives me chill. takot.

and then i came to think that, what's the point of me so worked up about this life? what am i living for? i know the answer. but, seems that i dont live like i'm dying anytime soon.. such a waste..hurm..

Sunday, April 4, 2010

When it doesnt hurt to dream

*this post might be exaggerated =p*

1. My Dream Job

For some people who already visit my fb page, they must realize that i have a dream to become a fashion designer. seriously, i'm not kidding here. it's something that I'd like to do and become. why fashion designer? i'm not sure. i just love beautiful cloths and instead of buying and spending a fortune for clothes, it's better to have ability to sew and design your own label.
i want to start my own label
i want to have my own collection
i want to inspire

(so cheesy)

that is pretty much what i had in mindla
it just something that i think..i love to do
i like to concentrate on somthing..create somting..anything that relates to art
and engineering is not my field
and i guess the only reason i become an engineer is because it pays better (but not when u're just started)
i thought it will grow in me as i started to work..but the growing process is kind of slow..left me bored to death

another option for my dream job is by becoming a psychologist
i'd rather drown in others problem than mine
i'm not a caring person.. i admit that
but i'm honored if i could inspire people with my thoughts and words
because by helping them getting through the rough time, i'm helping myself too
i can learn bout this life at different perspective
at optimistic point of view
coz when it comes to my problems, my emotion has mixed up and i think irrationally
it just the other side of me that i hope i could find


2. My Dream - Business

i'd like to own a place to hangout just for the girls. and i already have a name for it "Girl Friends"
why just for the girls?i dont know..maybe i just want a place where i could chill with all my girlfrens doing some crazy stuff like dancing, singing. doing all things out of men's sight. A place where only girls could come in and out. and most important : alcohol-free. a place where u can eat, chat with the girls all night and just chill.BUT. NO LESBO are allowed.

phew..so much for the dreams. but it kind of refreshing since it doesnt hurt to dream. If possible, i will try to walk the talk. but if not, i'll just be grateful with everything that i already had.


ok..so the dream will only come to reality if i'm working hard towards it..i will try..

Monday, March 29, 2010

Diam lebih Baik

dalam keadaan yang sesak dgn manusia
aku rs diam adalah lebih baik
rs ingin menyendiri juga
mempunyai pemikiran sendiri
dan berbicara dengan diri sendiri
mungkin rasa lebih tenang
mungkin dapat mencari apa yang di mahukan
walaupun di luar hingar
di dalam terasa sunyi juga
masih tenang
masa semakin cepat
namun aku semakin lambat
entah apa yang ditunggu
entah
entah
entah
begini mungkin aku sehingga bertemu dengan diri sendiri yang lebih baik
sehingga itu..aku hanya mahu diam
ada sesuatu yang aku perlu cari
sesuatu perkara yang perlu dilakukan
misi harus bermula

bila?

......................

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Flying SoLo~

ok..here's the thing..
i am now cik su for my 6th anak buah yg slamat dilahirkan semalam..
alhamdulillah~
tp kakak aku x ok sgt sbb kurang darah n diasingkan dlm bilik saringan
after work smlm, aku bergegas ke tempat kejadianla..
excited nk tengok baby..
fyi, aku x pnh pg hospital bile kakak aku deliver baby sbb aku ngah study or doing smtg else kot time tu..so smlm was the 1st time tgk baby kt hospital..haha
So baby tu actually kt wad lain dr akak aku n aku pon pegila tgk baby dulu..
dengan harapan afterward blehla jenguk akak aku
but then, nurse tu ckp yg bilik saringan tu just suami je bleh masuk..(hey adik suppose lagila blh masuk..we shared the same blood lg..what with the rules?huh..)
lpas die ckp cm2, aku cm pasrah jela..so i ask..can i see the baby?
nurse tu then ajak aku ke bilik where the baby2 tu stay la n die pn tolakkan 1 troli baby (aku pn xtau bende tu pnggil ap) bg kat aku suh bwk masuk lam satu bilik.

.....and i'm alone with the baby.......
seriously, aku xtau nk wat ape

she is sooo tiny..
baru 12 hours die tengok dunia ni
omg she's sooooo cute..kulit halus gile..merah plak tu..huu..nk pegang pon takut..
tapi kannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
after that..jeng3..bunyi 'poop'
aiseh..baby ni..
aku pon cek la..
huu..perkara yg ditakuti telah berlaku
why????why time aku dtg tu die nk membuang plak?
so nk wat ape lagi kan..
tpakse la tuka lampin die..
damn..i'm shaking..
bukan aku xpnh buat sblm ni, tp for the new born, mane bleh kasar2 kan..kene gentle je..dah la aku kurang sifat tu..aihh..
so i cuddle her n then put her on the mattress
nasib bek ada wet tissue..tp mebi die sejuk, baby tu cm nangis gakla ms nk cuci tu
but anyhow, i've successfully changed her diapers. Yay..
pheww~
tp terukla nurse ni..sbb aku rs da lama kot baby berak sbb susah nk cuci..
hish..mentang2 bukan anak die..
and aku suspect ms nurse tu bagi susu, die x tepuk blakang baby tu sbb baby tu cm ask keluar susu je n cm tersekat kerongkong ngn susu..hish risau2..nsb bek la aku ad time tu..bleh gak aku tepuk2 blakang. bahaya btul.

what a day!tp aku cm hepy jgkla..sbb bkn senang tau nk pegang baby yg sgt2 fragile tu.lembut gile..huu..kire lulus gak nk jd ibu nih..haha

not a good day

i'm not in the mood to start the day

how to clear the head

how to cool down the annoyed feeling

i cant do anything right

i'm pissed off for no reason

i just hate everything

i'm not so optimistic today

hate it hate it hate it hate it..huh!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

saya rasa dah masa untuk berubah

Hye2..gile aku nih blogging time ofis..sory yek bos!hehe
mud saye hari ni : ok je..xde pape..
motif blog arini : saya nk berubah

perubahan. kadang2 x perlu drastik pon untuk berubah.
just perlu ade purpose untuk berubah
apa yang saya nak ubah?

i'm not doing justice for my life, myself

dr sebab di atas, sy rs sy kene berubah

sy tidak berlaku adil pada impian sy
sy tidak berlaku adil pada kehendak sy
sy tidak berlaku adil pada masa depan sy

what does it even mean?

hurm..hanya sy yg paham dan rasa.
even sy banyak main2..tapi sy stil rasa tak puas
rasa banyak sangat buang masa
seminggu berlalu pun kadang2 sy xingt pn ap yg sy dah buat
what a waste kan?
jadi, sy rs, from now on, sy akan cuba utk kurangkan main2 n jdkan hidup ni lebih bermakna.
sy nk menikmati semua aspek hidup sy
hidup sebagai seorang pekerja
sebagai seorang kawan
sebagai seorang anak
sebagai seorang adik
sy nk hidup secara 100 % sbb slm ni i'm not giving much thought about my life
aku just hidup, bangun, tidur, makan, bekerja

sy nk beri sesuatu pada dunia ini.

walaupun sy masih belum jumpa
tapi akan cuba

Hidup ni terlalu singkat untuk dibazirkan

saya telah membazir banyak masa
banyak sangat
semua kekalahan yang sy alami dulu adalah sebab masa yg saya bazirkan

Ya Allah, maafkan saya. saya dah masuk dalam orang-orang yang rugi. T_T

"Demi Masa!
Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian
Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar. "
Al 'Asr

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Love Is Punishment

Tajuk cam gempak kan?tapi actually ni title lagu from cte korea yang aku addicted gile tengok 2 mgu lepas..mmg addict smpi satu hari aku abeskan tengok cite tu. sangat buang masa..tp puas..hehe..what about the song?hmm..totally a love song..aku pon xtau cane nak describe pasal lagu..just denga n bace je translation die..u'll get it.denga sampai abis tau!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The littlest thing

i really2 love this song..my fave song of all time..take ur time to listen to it n get the meaning..





Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world who could replace you

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Monolog Dalaman

Sebenarnya, agak penat untuk keep remind diri sendiri hari2 camane nk idop. I mean, camane nk menghabiskan 1 hr tu.Banyak je mende yang aku nk achieve. samada utk diri aku sendiri atau orang lain. Tapi kadang2 rs susah jugak sbb hr2 aku kene bisik pd dr sendiri supaya jd kuat, jgn malas, fokus, pk positif, pk yg hidup ni sgtla bes.Banyak sgt monolog dalaman yg berlaku. tu x masuk lagi bisikan2 si btanduk tu yg hari2 cuba nk jatuhkan aku, wat aku lalai, second guess myself. tp xpe, aku rase beberapa hari lepas aku agak kuat, aku xkisah sgt si btanduk tu bisik apa2 pon. sebabnye? sebab aku rasa, aku just ada satu hidup ni je n aku boleh meninggal bila2 je.jadi, aku kenalah pilih aku nk hidup bahagia atau nk hidup dengan rasa x puas hati je. Lagipun they have no right on what i think about myself. Suka hati akulah kan camane aku nk jd diri aku. Bagaimana nk jd siti nur amalina kamaruddin. haha..i kinda like that phrase. Bagaimana mahu menjadi diri aku.mulai hari ini.
i will draw my path based on His guidance.
ok, tiba2 dpt idea
actually kan, kalo kite nk ade semangat utk hidup, kite kene sayang hidup kite dulu. br rs excited je nk hidup. Kalo kite keep rs hidup tu menyusahkan, buang masa, xde purpose, mst xde smgt pn utk hidup. i've been tru a lot of phases in life. Phase sedih, phase kecewa, phase hepi gile, phase terharu..macam2la. tp xseme org pn experience bende2 2. aku rs aku dah cukup bertuah. kalo dilahirkan sekali lagi pun, aku masih nk jd siti nur amalina. tp i still have regrets la. aku regret ms 2ndary school dulu sbb xblaja btl2 n xapply blaja oversea. my biggest regret la. tp aku ok je sbb aku still bleh mrase lagi.cume the money issue jela..kalo pegi time dulu, ade krajaan sposor.skg, aku la yg kene cr sponsor. somehow, aku rase aku boleh. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti (Ya Allah tolong panjangkan umur aku untuk aku capai impian aku yang ni ).
Meanwhile, aku kene plan hidup aku yg seterusnya.
In 5 years, where, what, how?
5 years xlame pn. Cuma aku hrp by that time, aku x lg lost mcm skrg. By that time, aku dah keje stabil, ad anak sorang (haha), dpt jg mama n papa.Its in my head n i'll make it work. i will try :)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

U are not alone

Hmm..now is 12 noon and i'm at office..hehe
well..my mood is kind of great this couple of days..
maybe it's because i'm now in an'accepting' state and before i'm in a 'blaming' state.
I still put the blames on me..but rather than be irritated by that, i chose to accept the blames. It's my fault all along. The fault of working things out last minute. and i've learned my lesson.
I just want to share that, i'm not alone.
During the hard times, i always felt that i'm alone..
nobody seems to care but actually they care.
All u have to do is just reach for them.
But before that, make sure the person that u choose is somebody that is reliable coz not everybody gives a damn about u.
I care about people ( i know i'm not so convincing about this)
I care about my friends (but i'm sure bout this)
I love to hear their probs coz sometimes i feel that i'm actually in the same situation. And at that time, it feels that i'm not the only one who experienced that kind of things, that kind of hurts, that kind of emotions.
We are all equal.
Even though we think differently, but we actually tend to get hurt just equally.
So it kind of relieve to know that we're on the same path. same boat.
let's row the boat together!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Yakinlah aku menjemputmu

My besfren, fana, introduce me to this song
at first aku cm x denga n hayati sgt lirik ni..
and then balik umah aku denga lagi skali..
hmm..lagu ni memang somthingla..
for me la..
it gives some soothing effect..haha..
jom denga..~



tenang sayang..ku sambut engkau datang
ku yakin engkau menjemputku~

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Cepatlah Datang

***this post utk perempuan sahaja**


Heidi cepatlah datang!!!!!!
selagi ko x datang selagi tula aku xtenang!!
sminggu ni aku moody
ati xtenang
mood swing
makan xle kontrol
seme simpton yg xelok la...adeh
huh tensen
aku rasa cam asyik nak marah orang je
tensen
pastu rase nk muntah pk pasal keje
urgh benci gile kalo pk pasal keje
byk bende yg xpuas ati
rase xnk bcakap dgn orang
rs mnyampah dgn seme orang
penattttttttttttttttttt
aku penatla dengan emosi mcm ni kalo setiap kali heidi lambat dtg
penattttt sgt
kenapa la lelaki x perlu experience seme bende nih
kadang rs moody sgt smpi nk nangis
ms tula baru ingt tuhan
nk smyg kusyuk2 seme
for that part bagusla kan
hmm..ntahla
i just have to bear for it
and bersabar..huhhhhhhhhhhhh


feeling

if we have feeling to someone else,
what shud we do with it?
keep it or spill it?

i'm into somebody right now. but it's not that deep to even express it. it has been there for so long but only recently i've discovered that it still there. I thought a lot about this lately and get me questioned. why i always have feeling to somebody that is hard to get? or not meant for me? I'M CLUELESS

There will always a reason for liking someone or have a feeling to..maybe because of their personality, their charm, their look or whatever.
why i like this person? i don know..maybe bcoz i respect him..from respect i develop a feeling and now the feeling is stuck and he has nooooo idea..hahahah..it's ok..i didnt want him to found out bcoz i got a feeling that he's not into me. it's ok. i'm not sad about it..YET.

the word love suffocates me
makes me irritated
annoyed me in some ways
actually it's not love which suffocates me
the surrounding is
people
they treat love as smtg that keep them going
that keep them alive
and i hate that
i'm not jealous
i just want them to realize that it's more to live
why weeping over a jerk who doesnt even appreciate ur existence in their life
u got the power to end all your miserable
u have options
plenty of them
still..u choose to play dumb

being single is actually a tough challenge when everybody around u is so up in the air with love
but. i manage to get through that
i'm not hideous, not dumb, just like other people
i'm so wonderful in my own way
i'm somebody
so i should end up with 'somebody' n not just anybody
and every girl should think that way
have a pride
coz u got nothing to lose

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I absolutely wanna be better

there will be 1 time in ur life when u feel like u're not giving enough
and i'm in that moment

i can be better,i want to be better but i don know whats holding me..and time is my biggest enemy...always fly whenever i need it.

I don want to blame myself because i think that i already gave a bit effort to make myself better but i guess it just not enough. i keep hesitated every time i start doing things. Maybe it's a learning process..

I want to prove that i'm important..i want to prove that i'm somebody. i want to be awesome!

Here in my new world, i'm lost. I'm getting there but the path is still blurry.

i need Satisfaction..I want to be the one that people will look up to and i will be!!!so i must stop whining n start believing!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Truly Saviour

Ya Allah..terima kasih kerana setiap apa yang aku risaukan telah Engkau hulurkan bantuanMu.
Setiap kali Allah mendengar doaku..setiap kali itu juga aku rasa AMAT disayangi..

Hari ini bermula dengan agak serabut..hati,jiwa,fikiran turut sama menangis..tapi aku percaya padaNya. Aku tidak suka menjadi lemah..hati aku tidak membenarkan airmataku mengalir.Permulaan yang pahit diakhiri dengan kesenangan..wpun masih belum berakhir namun fasa kesulitan itu telah pun dipermudahkan.Ya Allah..pertolonganMu amat kurasai..Namun apabila menilai imanku..aku jadi malu..aku mengakui aku cepat lalai..namun aku akan cuba untuk menjadi hambaMu yang terbaik..Bimbinglah aku dan kurniakanlah seseorang dr hamba yang Engkau sayangi untuk turut membimbing dan mengajarku. Aminn..

My heart drenched in wine

i felt like crying now..
I'M SO STRESS
the only hope is Allah coz i'm on my own now..
sometimes i felt that it's not fair to leave me alone n doing all this by myself
Ya Allah..you are my Saviour..Please2..help me to go trough this challenge..
I'm alone now..n nobody will understand even though i cried my lungs out..
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I'M in The MooD of This