not knowing my heart

heart..for crying out loud..nobody is there to listen
even though there is people listen
they will never understand

everybody is gone
leaving me quietly
without a footstep
it is cold
outside is cold
my heart is cold

dont ask me
dont ever ask me
as i don know my heart
i have no answer
i seek for answer
i wait for answer

again
life feels cold
so cold
i felt numb
world,
please
i just want to stay here quietly
talk to only myself
as the other people voices are the last thing i want to hear

HaPpY

Mud arini sangat3 HEPI
and rasa sangat3 RINGAN
mebi dah decide ap yang sepatutnya
dan tinggalkan yang sepatutnya
ok
saya dah tinggalkan semua beban2 fikiran
mungkin esok stil rasa sober
tapi
takpelah
saya dah biasa
sedih..kecewa tu..part of the game kot
hepy dan bahagia juga
so cuba jela hidup dengan kegembiraan
wpun hny perlukan diri sendri untuk initiate dat happiness
tp
dengan dr sendiri pon bleh cr kebahagiaan
sebab aku ada DIA

i Love u ALLAH!!! :))))

i'm gemok..so what?

Sometimes, when u're feeling ok with urself, there always other people who keeps saying that u shud change or become like this and that
i'm not good at taking criticism
in fact i hate criticism
i'm facing the weight issues now
most everybody around me talks to me about it like it such a big issue
i dont know whether they care too much or they just like saying those things
i think i'm a little bit chubs. it just that.
it's not like i'm obese or near to that
i know my body..
i know that i shud control my eating
exercise more
i know it all
fyi, i'm not eating that much
it just happen that i have a low metabolism
and i hate exercise
but i will not deteriorate my body and turn it into giant fats which can talk and walk
i still love myself
i know what i shud do
don remind about that over and over
my sisters, and mother, they see the real person of me.
and they love me the way i am
and my besfrens n good frens,
never occured to them to talk about my weight nonchalantly.
i appreciate those people
maybe they arent that honest to me about that, but at least with them i become myself.
but actually, even they said that i'm gemok or wat,
i will just take it very thankfully
coz it comes from the person that i love and appreciate
however, when it comes from the person that i barely know, and not a fan of mine, i feel that i've been bullied and now i know how it feels when people think lowly about u
just butt off
i had enough things in my head already just to think about what u have said
u arent that perfect either
u may be thin but u aint nothing like me
u don know me
and for that
now i'm looking lowly at u

dont talk about other's physical like u've known them forever.respect others. they may be too thin, overweight, full with acnes, short, or maybe handicapped. but they are truly human n there's a heart in everyone of them. Know ur place. if u're closed enough then it's not too difficult for them to accept it. if not, just butt off and get a life.

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I heart YooN eUn hYe..sOo VerY muCh!!





NI LAGU SEBENAR WITHOUT DRAMA..ENJOY!

Yes.I'm selfish

terlalu banyak keinginan yang melibatkan diri sendiri shj
jarang aku masukkan my parent in my future planning
sedangkan sejak aku lahir, aku la future planning diorang
nk didik aku mcm mana, nk sara aku mcm mana
tp bila aku da besar, da bjaya, aku lagi banyak pk psl diri sendiri
apa yang aku nak, aku nk kawin ngan sapa, nk buat apa 5 tahun lagi
pemikiran2 yang mementingkan diri macam 2
mmg seme tu aku kne pk jgk kan..
tp..
sekarang rs bersalah
ibu dan ayah
selalu pk what's the best for their kid
tapi aku tak pk pon what's the best for my parent
if bukan aku, anak dia, yang bahagiakan diorang time tua ni, sapa lagi nk buat kan
aku salu sebok nk rancang percutian ngn membe2, kua makan tempat bes2,
tapi..
kenapa aku xterfikir pulak untuk bwk diorang travel 1 day with duit hasil aku sendiri
bawak pegi makan tempat sedap2
ibu dan ayah
insan yang paling baik, paling penyayang yang setiap anak pernah miliki
even ur bf/gf is soo caring or thoughtful, aku tak rasa akan sama dengan apa yang parent pernah buat
alas, gf/bf takkan sggp bertarung nyawa demi kita..percayalah
ibu dan ayah..
takkan pernah mengharapkan apa2 dr aku
just nk tengok aku happy n continue living dengan baiknya
ibu aku salu pesan, cr suami jgn lambat2 sgt
sedangkan if aku kawin cepat2, dia da tak miliki aku lagi
aku da jadi hak suami aku, mungkin jarang balik jenguk dia dan mungkin akan jauh dr dia
ibu tidak tamak
tidak pernah merasakan aku hak dia
merasakan kebahagiaan aku lebih penting
aku gembira
dia derita
tak mengapa

i'm so sorry
i'll try to be a good daughter
aku tak rasa hayat mereka lama lagi
i will try my best
i will try not to be selfish

1 sided love

Kenapa kesedihan yang aku lihat skarang kebanyakan adalah dr opposite sex
mungkin juga bukan dr mereka
tp dr emosi yang hadir dari perasaan kepada mereka
it is love isn't it?
bukanlah sesuatu yang dapat dipaksa atau dicipta
tapi mungkin dapat dipupuk..mungkin
bagaimana kalau perasaan tu hadir dr sebelah pihak sahaja?
rs excited even just dapat tengok kelibat dia
rs nk tau ap die buat
and get jealous if dia borak2 dgn kaum sejenis kita
it's cute to be in love
tapi lama-lama..kalau terlalu lama memendam perasaan untuk seseorang, mungkin satu persoalan akan timbul..sampai bila?
so tercetuslah idea untuk confess atau tak?
tapi ade satu halangan iaitu : pride
what if dia rijek..what if itu..what if ini..
too many questions isnt it?
so, i guess la..
u can see if sombody interested in u by their expression, gesture and tone of their voices

and for the guy, please la..if interested, just bagi tau right away..don let the girl wonder,
don waste time. If u get rejected pon, it's not the end of the world rite. at least it'll save your time jgk for not holding to that girl anymore. kan?

and for the girls, i think, if u're interested with sombdy, tgk cr dia layan dulu. If that guy is interested, he'll let u know. if not, he doesnt worth ur time. seriously.
Just confess bila rasa that thing is the most wise and appropriate thing to do.

i have a feeling to someone right now..and he is 1 of my friend. who is he? haha..nobody knows.
but i dont think that he's into me..so..i'll let him go 1 day..for now, i'll just treasure the feeling coz i still can bear for it. =)

Start Over

when u're having a bad day or not living ur life at ur greatest, u can always rely on tomorrow to start over and become better. the same thing goes for me. i always rely on tomorrow in order to see the better me and when 'tomorrow ' is finally arrived, once again i'm hoping the next day will turn out better for me. It's endless.

but, there is no tomorrow for the hereafter. There's no hope for a better day anymore. it's also endless. there's no time to be better because all the time is up and u're left alone to face everything.
it gives me chill. takot.

and then i came to think that, what's the point of me so worked up about this life? what am i living for? i know the answer. but, seems that i dont live like i'm dying anytime soon.. such a waste..hurm..

When it doesnt hurt to dream

*this post might be exaggerated =p*

1. My Dream Job

For some people who already visit my fb page, they must realize that i have a dream to become a fashion designer. seriously, i'm not kidding here. it's something that I'd like to do and become. why fashion designer? i'm not sure. i just love beautiful cloths and instead of buying and spending a fortune for clothes, it's better to have ability to sew and design your own label.
i want to start my own label
i want to have my own collection
i want to inspire

(so cheesy)

that is pretty much what i had in mindla
it just something that i think..i love to do
i like to concentrate on somthing..create somting..anything that relates to art
and engineering is not my field
and i guess the only reason i become an engineer is because it pays better (but not when u're just started)
i thought it will grow in me as i started to work..but the growing process is kind of slow..left me bored to death

another option for my dream job is by becoming a psychologist
i'd rather drown in others problem than mine
i'm not a caring person.. i admit that
but i'm honored if i could inspire people with my thoughts and words
because by helping them getting through the rough time, i'm helping myself too
i can learn bout this life at different perspective
at optimistic point of view
coz when it comes to my problems, my emotion has mixed up and i think irrationally
it just the other side of me that i hope i could find


2. My Dream - Business

i'd like to own a place to hangout just for the girls. and i already have a name for it "Girl Friends"
why just for the girls?i dont know..maybe i just want a place where i could chill with all my girlfrens doing some crazy stuff like dancing, singing. doing all things out of men's sight. A place where only girls could come in and out. and most important : alcohol-free. a place where u can eat, chat with the girls all night and just chill.BUT. NO LESBO are allowed.

phew..so much for the dreams. but it kind of refreshing since it doesnt hurt to dream. If possible, i will try to walk the talk. but if not, i'll just be grateful with everything that i already had.


ok..so the dream will only come to reality if i'm working hard towards it..i will try..