Flying SoLo~

ok..here's the thing..
i am now cik su for my 6th anak buah yg slamat dilahirkan semalam..
alhamdulillah~
tp kakak aku x ok sgt sbb kurang darah n diasingkan dlm bilik saringan
after work smlm, aku bergegas ke tempat kejadianla..
excited nk tengok baby..
fyi, aku x pnh pg hospital bile kakak aku deliver baby sbb aku ngah study or doing smtg else kot time tu..so smlm was the 1st time tgk baby kt hospital..haha
So baby tu actually kt wad lain dr akak aku n aku pon pegila tgk baby dulu..
dengan harapan afterward blehla jenguk akak aku
but then, nurse tu ckp yg bilik saringan tu just suami je bleh masuk..(hey adik suppose lagila blh masuk..we shared the same blood lg..what with the rules?huh..)
lpas die ckp cm2, aku cm pasrah jela..so i ask..can i see the baby?
nurse tu then ajak aku ke bilik where the baby2 tu stay la n die pn tolakkan 1 troli baby (aku pn xtau bende tu pnggil ap) bg kat aku suh bwk masuk lam satu bilik.

.....and i'm alone with the baby.......
seriously, aku xtau nk wat ape

she is sooo tiny..
baru 12 hours die tengok dunia ni
omg she's sooooo cute..kulit halus gile..merah plak tu..huu..nk pegang pon takut..
tapi kannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
after that..jeng3..bunyi 'poop'
aiseh..baby ni..
aku pon cek la..
huu..perkara yg ditakuti telah berlaku
why????why time aku dtg tu die nk membuang plak?
so nk wat ape lagi kan..
tpakse la tuka lampin die..
damn..i'm shaking..
bukan aku xpnh buat sblm ni, tp for the new born, mane bleh kasar2 kan..kene gentle je..dah la aku kurang sifat tu..aihh..
so i cuddle her n then put her on the mattress
nasib bek ada wet tissue..tp mebi die sejuk, baby tu cm nangis gakla ms nk cuci tu
but anyhow, i've successfully changed her diapers. Yay..
pheww~
tp terukla nurse ni..sbb aku rs da lama kot baby berak sbb susah nk cuci..
hish..mentang2 bukan anak die..
and aku suspect ms nurse tu bagi susu, die x tepuk blakang baby tu sbb baby tu cm ask keluar susu je n cm tersekat kerongkong ngn susu..hish risau2..nsb bek la aku ad time tu..bleh gak aku tepuk2 blakang. bahaya btul.

what a day!tp aku cm hepy jgkla..sbb bkn senang tau nk pegang baby yg sgt2 fragile tu.lembut gile..huu..kire lulus gak nk jd ibu nih..haha

not a good day

i'm not in the mood to start the day

how to clear the head

how to cool down the annoyed feeling

i cant do anything right

i'm pissed off for no reason

i just hate everything

i'm not so optimistic today

hate it hate it hate it hate it..huh!!!!!!!

saya rasa dah masa untuk berubah

Hye2..gile aku nih blogging time ofis..sory yek bos!hehe
mud saye hari ni : ok je..xde pape..
motif blog arini : saya nk berubah

perubahan. kadang2 x perlu drastik pon untuk berubah.
just perlu ade purpose untuk berubah
apa yang saya nak ubah?

i'm not doing justice for my life, myself

dr sebab di atas, sy rs sy kene berubah

sy tidak berlaku adil pada impian sy
sy tidak berlaku adil pada kehendak sy
sy tidak berlaku adil pada masa depan sy

what does it even mean?

hurm..hanya sy yg paham dan rasa.
even sy banyak main2..tapi sy stil rasa tak puas
rasa banyak sangat buang masa
seminggu berlalu pun kadang2 sy xingt pn ap yg sy dah buat
what a waste kan?
jadi, sy rs, from now on, sy akan cuba utk kurangkan main2 n jdkan hidup ni lebih bermakna.
sy nk menikmati semua aspek hidup sy
hidup sebagai seorang pekerja
sebagai seorang kawan
sebagai seorang anak
sebagai seorang adik
sy nk hidup secara 100 % sbb slm ni i'm not giving much thought about my life
aku just hidup, bangun, tidur, makan, bekerja

sy nk beri sesuatu pada dunia ini.

walaupun sy masih belum jumpa
tapi akan cuba

Hidup ni terlalu singkat untuk dibazirkan

saya telah membazir banyak masa
banyak sangat
semua kekalahan yang sy alami dulu adalah sebab masa yg saya bazirkan

Ya Allah, maafkan saya. saya dah masuk dalam orang-orang yang rugi. T_T

"Demi Masa!
Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian
Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar. "
Al 'Asr

Love Is Punishment

Tajuk cam gempak kan?tapi actually ni title lagu from cte korea yang aku addicted gile tengok 2 mgu lepas..mmg addict smpi satu hari aku abeskan tengok cite tu. sangat buang masa..tp puas..hehe..what about the song?hmm..totally a love song..aku pon xtau cane nak describe pasal lagu..just denga n bace je translation die..u'll get it.denga sampai abis tau!

The littlest thing

i really2 love this song..my fave song of all time..take ur time to listen to it n get the meaning..





Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world who could replace you

[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Monolog Dalaman

Sebenarnya, agak penat untuk keep remind diri sendiri hari2 camane nk idop. I mean, camane nk menghabiskan 1 hr tu.Banyak je mende yang aku nk achieve. samada utk diri aku sendiri atau orang lain. Tapi kadang2 rs susah jugak sbb hr2 aku kene bisik pd dr sendiri supaya jd kuat, jgn malas, fokus, pk positif, pk yg hidup ni sgtla bes.Banyak sgt monolog dalaman yg berlaku. tu x masuk lagi bisikan2 si btanduk tu yg hari2 cuba nk jatuhkan aku, wat aku lalai, second guess myself. tp xpe, aku rase beberapa hari lepas aku agak kuat, aku xkisah sgt si btanduk tu bisik apa2 pon. sebabnye? sebab aku rasa, aku just ada satu hidup ni je n aku boleh meninggal bila2 je.jadi, aku kenalah pilih aku nk hidup bahagia atau nk hidup dengan rasa x puas hati je. Lagipun they have no right on what i think about myself. Suka hati akulah kan camane aku nk jd diri aku. Bagaimana nk jd siti nur amalina kamaruddin. haha..i kinda like that phrase. Bagaimana mahu menjadi diri aku.mulai hari ini.
i will draw my path based on His guidance.
ok, tiba2 dpt idea
actually kan, kalo kite nk ade semangat utk hidup, kite kene sayang hidup kite dulu. br rs excited je nk hidup. Kalo kite keep rs hidup tu menyusahkan, buang masa, xde purpose, mst xde smgt pn utk hidup. i've been tru a lot of phases in life. Phase sedih, phase kecewa, phase hepi gile, phase terharu..macam2la. tp xseme org pn experience bende2 2. aku rs aku dah cukup bertuah. kalo dilahirkan sekali lagi pun, aku masih nk jd siti nur amalina. tp i still have regrets la. aku regret ms 2ndary school dulu sbb xblaja btl2 n xapply blaja oversea. my biggest regret la. tp aku ok je sbb aku still bleh mrase lagi.cume the money issue jela..kalo pegi time dulu, ade krajaan sposor.skg, aku la yg kene cr sponsor. somehow, aku rase aku boleh. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti (Ya Allah tolong panjangkan umur aku untuk aku capai impian aku yang ni ).
Meanwhile, aku kene plan hidup aku yg seterusnya.
In 5 years, where, what, how?
5 years xlame pn. Cuma aku hrp by that time, aku x lg lost mcm skrg. By that time, aku dah keje stabil, ad anak sorang (haha), dpt jg mama n papa.Its in my head n i'll make it work. i will try :)

U are not alone

Hmm..now is 12 noon and i'm at office..hehe
well..my mood is kind of great this couple of days..
maybe it's because i'm now in an'accepting' state and before i'm in a 'blaming' state.
I still put the blames on me..but rather than be irritated by that, i chose to accept the blames. It's my fault all along. The fault of working things out last minute. and i've learned my lesson.
I just want to share that, i'm not alone.
During the hard times, i always felt that i'm alone..
nobody seems to care but actually they care.
All u have to do is just reach for them.
But before that, make sure the person that u choose is somebody that is reliable coz not everybody gives a damn about u.
I care about people ( i know i'm not so convincing about this)
I care about my friends (but i'm sure bout this)
I love to hear their probs coz sometimes i feel that i'm actually in the same situation. And at that time, it feels that i'm not the only one who experienced that kind of things, that kind of hurts, that kind of emotions.
We are all equal.
Even though we think differently, but we actually tend to get hurt just equally.
So it kind of relieve to know that we're on the same path. same boat.
let's row the boat together!!