Monolog Dalaman

Sebenarnya, agak penat untuk keep remind diri sendiri hari2 camane nk idop. I mean, camane nk menghabiskan 1 hr tu.Banyak je mende yang aku nk achieve. samada utk diri aku sendiri atau orang lain. Tapi kadang2 rs susah jugak sbb hr2 aku kene bisik pd dr sendiri supaya jd kuat, jgn malas, fokus, pk positif, pk yg hidup ni sgtla bes.Banyak sgt monolog dalaman yg berlaku. tu x masuk lagi bisikan2 si btanduk tu yg hari2 cuba nk jatuhkan aku, wat aku lalai, second guess myself. tp xpe, aku rase beberapa hari lepas aku agak kuat, aku xkisah sgt si btanduk tu bisik apa2 pon. sebabnye? sebab aku rasa, aku just ada satu hidup ni je n aku boleh meninggal bila2 je.jadi, aku kenalah pilih aku nk hidup bahagia atau nk hidup dengan rasa x puas hati je. Lagipun they have no right on what i think about myself. Suka hati akulah kan camane aku nk jd diri aku. Bagaimana nk jd siti nur amalina kamaruddin. haha..i kinda like that phrase. Bagaimana mahu menjadi diri aku.mulai hari ini.
i will draw my path based on His guidance.
ok, tiba2 dpt idea
actually kan, kalo kite nk ade semangat utk hidup, kite kene sayang hidup kite dulu. br rs excited je nk hidup. Kalo kite keep rs hidup tu menyusahkan, buang masa, xde purpose, mst xde smgt pn utk hidup. i've been tru a lot of phases in life. Phase sedih, phase kecewa, phase hepi gile, phase terharu..macam2la. tp xseme org pn experience bende2 2. aku rs aku dah cukup bertuah. kalo dilahirkan sekali lagi pun, aku masih nk jd siti nur amalina. tp i still have regrets la. aku regret ms 2ndary school dulu sbb xblaja btl2 n xapply blaja oversea. my biggest regret la. tp aku ok je sbb aku still bleh mrase lagi.cume the money issue jela..kalo pegi time dulu, ade krajaan sposor.skg, aku la yg kene cr sponsor. somehow, aku rase aku boleh. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti (Ya Allah tolong panjangkan umur aku untuk aku capai impian aku yang ni ).
Meanwhile, aku kene plan hidup aku yg seterusnya.
In 5 years, where, what, how?
5 years xlame pn. Cuma aku hrp by that time, aku x lg lost mcm skrg. By that time, aku dah keje stabil, ad anak sorang (haha), dpt jg mama n papa.Its in my head n i'll make it work. i will try :)

U are not alone

Hmm..now is 12 noon and i'm at office..hehe
well..my mood is kind of great this couple of days..
maybe it's because i'm now in an'accepting' state and before i'm in a 'blaming' state.
I still put the blames on me..but rather than be irritated by that, i chose to accept the blames. It's my fault all along. The fault of working things out last minute. and i've learned my lesson.
I just want to share that, i'm not alone.
During the hard times, i always felt that i'm alone..
nobody seems to care but actually they care.
All u have to do is just reach for them.
But before that, make sure the person that u choose is somebody that is reliable coz not everybody gives a damn about u.
I care about people ( i know i'm not so convincing about this)
I care about my friends (but i'm sure bout this)
I love to hear their probs coz sometimes i feel that i'm actually in the same situation. And at that time, it feels that i'm not the only one who experienced that kind of things, that kind of hurts, that kind of emotions.
We are all equal.
Even though we think differently, but we actually tend to get hurt just equally.
So it kind of relieve to know that we're on the same path. same boat.
let's row the boat together!!

Yakinlah aku menjemputmu

My besfren, fana, introduce me to this song
at first aku cm x denga n hayati sgt lirik ni..
and then balik umah aku denga lagi skali..
hmm..lagu ni memang somthingla..
for me la..
it gives some soothing effect..haha..
jom denga..~



tenang sayang..ku sambut engkau datang
ku yakin engkau menjemputku~