Monolog Dalaman

Sebenarnya, agak penat untuk keep remind diri sendiri hari2 camane nk idop. I mean, camane nk menghabiskan 1 hr tu.Banyak je mende yang aku nk achieve. samada utk diri aku sendiri atau orang lain. Tapi kadang2 rs susah jugak sbb hr2 aku kene bisik pd dr sendiri supaya jd kuat, jgn malas, fokus, pk positif, pk yg hidup ni sgtla bes.Banyak sgt monolog dalaman yg berlaku. tu x masuk lagi bisikan2 si btanduk tu yg hari2 cuba nk jatuhkan aku, wat aku lalai, second guess myself. tp xpe, aku rase beberapa hari lepas aku agak kuat, aku xkisah sgt si btanduk tu bisik apa2 pon. sebabnye? sebab aku rasa, aku just ada satu hidup ni je n aku boleh meninggal bila2 je.jadi, aku kenalah pilih aku nk hidup bahagia atau nk hidup dengan rasa x puas hati je. Lagipun they have no right on what i think about myself. Suka hati akulah kan camane aku nk jd diri aku. Bagaimana nk jd siti nur amalina kamaruddin. haha..i kinda like that phrase. Bagaimana mahu menjadi diri aku.mulai hari ini.
i will draw my path based on His guidance.
ok, tiba2 dpt idea
actually kan, kalo kite nk ade semangat utk hidup, kite kene sayang hidup kite dulu. br rs excited je nk hidup. Kalo kite keep rs hidup tu menyusahkan, buang masa, xde purpose, mst xde smgt pn utk hidup. i've been tru a lot of phases in life. Phase sedih, phase kecewa, phase hepi gile, phase terharu..macam2la. tp xseme org pn experience bende2 2. aku rs aku dah cukup bertuah. kalo dilahirkan sekali lagi pun, aku masih nk jd siti nur amalina. tp i still have regrets la. aku regret ms 2ndary school dulu sbb xblaja btl2 n xapply blaja oversea. my biggest regret la. tp aku ok je sbb aku still bleh mrase lagi.cume the money issue jela..kalo pegi time dulu, ade krajaan sposor.skg, aku la yg kene cr sponsor. somehow, aku rase aku boleh. InsyaAllah, satu hari nanti (Ya Allah tolong panjangkan umur aku untuk aku capai impian aku yang ni ).
Meanwhile, aku kene plan hidup aku yg seterusnya.
In 5 years, where, what, how?
5 years xlame pn. Cuma aku hrp by that time, aku x lg lost mcm skrg. By that time, aku dah keje stabil, ad anak sorang (haha), dpt jg mama n papa.Its in my head n i'll make it work. i will try :)

U are not alone

Hmm..now is 12 noon and i'm at office..hehe
well..my mood is kind of great this couple of days..
maybe it's because i'm now in an'accepting' state and before i'm in a 'blaming' state.
I still put the blames on me..but rather than be irritated by that, i chose to accept the blames. It's my fault all along. The fault of working things out last minute. and i've learned my lesson.
I just want to share that, i'm not alone.
During the hard times, i always felt that i'm alone..
nobody seems to care but actually they care.
All u have to do is just reach for them.
But before that, make sure the person that u choose is somebody that is reliable coz not everybody gives a damn about u.
I care about people ( i know i'm not so convincing about this)
I care about my friends (but i'm sure bout this)
I love to hear their probs coz sometimes i feel that i'm actually in the same situation. And at that time, it feels that i'm not the only one who experienced that kind of things, that kind of hurts, that kind of emotions.
We are all equal.
Even though we think differently, but we actually tend to get hurt just equally.
So it kind of relieve to know that we're on the same path. same boat.
let's row the boat together!!

Yakinlah aku menjemputmu

My besfren, fana, introduce me to this song
at first aku cm x denga n hayati sgt lirik ni..
and then balik umah aku denga lagi skali..
hmm..lagu ni memang somthingla..
for me la..
it gives some soothing effect..haha..
jom denga..~



tenang sayang..ku sambut engkau datang
ku yakin engkau menjemputku~

Cepatlah Datang

***this post utk perempuan sahaja**


Heidi cepatlah datang!!!!!!
selagi ko x datang selagi tula aku xtenang!!
sminggu ni aku moody
ati xtenang
mood swing
makan xle kontrol
seme simpton yg xelok la...adeh
huh tensen
aku rasa cam asyik nak marah orang je
tensen
pastu rase nk muntah pk pasal keje
urgh benci gile kalo pk pasal keje
byk bende yg xpuas ati
rase xnk bcakap dgn orang
rs mnyampah dgn seme orang
penattttttttttttttttttt
aku penatla dengan emosi mcm ni kalo setiap kali heidi lambat dtg
penattttt sgt
kenapa la lelaki x perlu experience seme bende nih
kadang rs moody sgt smpi nk nangis
ms tula baru ingt tuhan
nk smyg kusyuk2 seme
for that part bagusla kan
hmm..ntahla
i just have to bear for it
and bersabar..huhhhhhhhhhhhh

feeling

if we have feeling to someone else,
what shud we do with it?
keep it or spill it?

i'm into somebody right now. but it's not that deep to even express it. it has been there for so long but only recently i've discovered that it still there. I thought a lot about this lately and get me questioned. why i always have feeling to somebody that is hard to get? or not meant for me? I'M CLUELESS

There will always a reason for liking someone or have a feeling to..maybe because of their personality, their charm, their look or whatever.
why i like this person? i don know..maybe bcoz i respect him..from respect i develop a feeling and now the feeling is stuck and he has nooooo idea..hahahah..it's ok..i didnt want him to found out bcoz i got a feeling that he's not into me. it's ok. i'm not sad about it..YET.

the word love suffocates me
makes me irritated
annoyed me in some ways
actually it's not love which suffocates me
the surrounding is
people
they treat love as smtg that keep them going
that keep them alive
and i hate that
i'm not jealous
i just want them to realize that it's more to live
why weeping over a jerk who doesnt even appreciate ur existence in their life
u got the power to end all your miserable
u have options
plenty of them
still..u choose to play dumb

being single is actually a tough challenge when everybody around u is so up in the air with love
but. i manage to get through that
i'm not hideous, not dumb, just like other people
i'm so wonderful in my own way
i'm somebody
so i should end up with 'somebody' n not just anybody
and every girl should think that way
have a pride
coz u got nothing to lose

I absolutely wanna be better

there will be 1 time in ur life when u feel like u're not giving enough
and i'm in that moment

i can be better,i want to be better but i don know whats holding me..and time is my biggest enemy...always fly whenever i need it.

I don want to blame myself because i think that i already gave a bit effort to make myself better but i guess it just not enough. i keep hesitated every time i start doing things. Maybe it's a learning process..

I want to prove that i'm important..i want to prove that i'm somebody. i want to be awesome!

Here in my new world, i'm lost. I'm getting there but the path is still blurry.

i need Satisfaction..I want to be the one that people will look up to and i will be!!!so i must stop whining n start believing!

Truly Saviour

Ya Allah..terima kasih kerana setiap apa yang aku risaukan telah Engkau hulurkan bantuanMu.
Setiap kali Allah mendengar doaku..setiap kali itu juga aku rasa AMAT disayangi..

Hari ini bermula dengan agak serabut..hati,jiwa,fikiran turut sama menangis..tapi aku percaya padaNya. Aku tidak suka menjadi lemah..hati aku tidak membenarkan airmataku mengalir.Permulaan yang pahit diakhiri dengan kesenangan..wpun masih belum berakhir namun fasa kesulitan itu telah pun dipermudahkan.Ya Allah..pertolonganMu amat kurasai..Namun apabila menilai imanku..aku jadi malu..aku mengakui aku cepat lalai..namun aku akan cuba untuk menjadi hambaMu yang terbaik..Bimbinglah aku dan kurniakanlah seseorang dr hamba yang Engkau sayangi untuk turut membimbing dan mengajarku. Aminn..